Next Thursday is February 2, the halfway point of winter. For many years now, we’ve been joining together to combat the winter doldrums by making our lists of the things that are saving our lives, and sharing them here.There are a lot of big things that are making this winter infinitely easier than last winter was for me (My kids and I aren't going through a major life transition! My house isn't in a state of incomplete renovation! My son has a consistent set of support providers!), but for today, I wanted to pick ten smaller things that are helping me get through these darker, colder days of the year.
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This can be a hard season, but by pausing at its halfway point to share the things that are helping us through it, we’ll lighten the load.
1. Agatha Christie audiobooks
These cozy mysteries are my comfort reads, and I love listening to them on audio, especially the narration of Hugh Fraser and Emilia Fox. I don't typically listen to them back-to-back, but having a new one to listen to every few weeks is a nice rhythm, and they're each about 5-7 hours so they're the perfect amount of time to be transported to some English village or countryside manor house in between other books.
2. An organized home
Now that I don't live with a partner, I've been able to set up my home in a way that makes sense to me, and I'm able to easily tidy up even after my kids have been playing all day. Being able to lay hands on whatever I need at a given time, and not being surrounded by lots of clutter, has dramatically lowered my stress level and I think is a big reason that my health has been much better in the past few months than it has in many years.
3. Dancing
As I mentioned earlier this week, going once or twice a month to an event with line dancing and partner dancing has been a wonderful addition to my life. It gets me out and socializing, it keeps my body active, and I've even read that there are scientific benefits to moving in sync with others. I always feel great after an evening of dancing, even when I have to drive home in the pitch black!
4. Hot showers
I tend to run very cold, and even though I now have my own home where I can keep the thermostat at my chosen temperature, it's going to be another month or so until I get my front door replaced — there's currently a big drafty gap around the sides that lets in the cold air! — and it's hard to combat that chill no matter how much I run the heating. So the ability to take hot showers helps to thaw out my fingers and toes and makes a big difference in my comfort!
5. Marco Polos
The Marco Polo app has been incredibly valuable in keeping me connected to my people who live far away. I love getting new messages and hearing what's going on in others' lives, and it's also been helpful for me to be able to process out loud some of the stuff I'm going through to those who I know will listen and respond with compassion and empathy.
6. My 2-year-old learning to talk
My son's initial language development was slightly delayed, but he's been progressing rapidly now and is at the point where he just talks all the time now (and I understand maybe a third of it!). Not only is it helpful that he can communicate directly which toy or food he wants, but he also loves making jokes (mostly involving giving intentionally wrong answers to questions and then laughing) and the way he says stuff is just adorable. He can count to 10 in English and Spanish and is making a valiant effort at 11 to 20. Lately he's started saying "Thank you" unprompted whenever I hand him anything, and it melts my heart every time.
7. My 8-year-old's teacher
I literally want to cry thinking about how amazing this woman is. My kid switched to public school this year, and it's been so amazing to have a teacher who celebrates their energy and creativity and queer neurodivergence and isn't just focused on "behavior management." She has been a true partner in trying to help my kid succeed in school as well as build up social and emotional skills, keeping us informed of anything that happens at school, asking for our ideas, and being willing to experiment to see what works. She didn't even bat an eye when I asked if we could get a second class shirt (which has to be worn on special days) so they could have one at each house; she said that she's also divorced, so she totally gets it, and she even disclosed that to my kiddo when they were having a particularly hard time with our divorce, which was really helpful for them. And my 8-year-old loves going to school, so mornings aren't a battle, and they don't have any homework, so evenings aren't either!
8. My queer "support group"
This is really just a monthly Meetup group centered around food and conversation, but we've only sort of jokingly started calling ourselves a support group because we talk about so much personal stuff and care deeply about each other. There's a core group of four of us who are there every month, so we're very invested in each other's lives, and then we get a couple of other people coming each time. The first time I went, last summer, I was hesitant about going to talk to strangers for a whole three hours, but now it's one of the highlights of my month, and I've stayed way past the three hours talking with other members more than once now.
9. Toddler snuggles
On the weeks my kids are here, I start every morning getting my 2-year-old out of his crib, giving him a bottle (cup drinking is still a struggle for him with his disability, and he has to consume enough milk/cream to maintain his weight), and then snuggling with him on the couch while I complete the day's Wordle. Unlike my older one, who rarely wanted to be held, my toddler loves to "nuggle" whenever possible. And although he's starting to get more control of his hands and will occasionally grab at my nose or ears, for the most part he's content to just rest on me calmly and listen to me puzzle out the daily word, which is such a lovely way to start the day.
10. Twinings Decaf Black Tea with milk and sugar
I love tea, especially when it's cold out, but I don't like herbal tea and I can't do caffeine at all, so I need a good decaf black tea. I'm not much of a brand snob and for a long time I bought Lipton or store brand, but once I started venturing out into the world again I needed something that came in individually wrapped packets that I could keep in my purse, and the Lipton ones weren't wrapped and the store brand didn't hold up well, so I switched to Twinings. A few months ago the big boxes were 50% off at the store, so I bought two and have been making myself a lot of tea lately. I don't remember why I switched to honey and lemon at some point, but my digestive system can't do honey anymore, so I switched back to milk and sugar and remembered why that used to be my go-to preparation. It's both a delicious treat and keeps me warm when the wind is whistling past my front doorjamb!
What's saving your life right now?
Looking back:
One year ago I was reading: Rising from Ash and The Interrupted Tale
Five years ago I was reading: Strangers in Their Own Land and The Stand
Ten years ago I was reading: Nothing
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